Caffeine reduced mascot wife

After a couple of months of all-day-sickness and a month of general exhaustion I am finally feeling ready for some blogging.

My husband and I are expecting baby #1 and I feel like I should write a book called "My Changing Body: Pregnancy Edition". It seems that there's a new surprise every few days. Tonight's treat was when I went to tidy up with a little shaving and I couldn't see over my belly to the area in need of attention. Awesome.

Grump

I have been a grumpy, anti-social, uninspired grump head lately. I think I need a visit to a book store or library so that I can choose something motivational to read. Something with to-do lists would be helpful. Perhas I could find such lists on line.

Since I was 6 I've thought of Sundays as a day to rest and hang out with friends/family. When I was 12 there was a bowling tournament on a Sunday and I had to fight with my Baba to be allowed to take part. I have the conversation on a cassette somewhere. Hmm, I should find it. The mister's busiest chore days are Sundays. In this way we do not match up. It's not a problem though. It is just the one day where we really spend most of it doing our own thing.

I am quite thrilled with the garden we have this year. Lots of edibles. I am especially excited about leeks and beets.

That's all I've got for now.

"even when you're crazy"

That was the qualifier added to a card I was recently given. Awesome. It isn't a secret, I'm a little nuts sometimes.

I'm aware that some of you have noticed my blogging break. There hasn't been much to say lately. The past few weeks were all about getting ready for a holiday. I didn't want the blog-world to know that our home would be empty for a week so I simply didn't blog at all lest I let the vacation cat out of the bag.

The vacation included two lovely days spend in Miami Beach and a four day cruise in the Bahamas. My body was so happy to feel warmth again. Winter is my all time favourite searson but winter 2010/2011 was too long.

Quick Bests
Miami Beach: shopping on Lincoln Road, manchego
Cruise: evenings sipping coffee on the deck, waking up in a new place, open bar

The South Beach/Cruise diet added a few pounds to my body. I am not outside of a normal BMI and (barely) into the overweight BMI. This is disturbing but I am hopefully that quickly gained weight will also be quickly lost.

I will have to spend some time thinking about goals. I'm slightly apathetic about personal growth at the moment. Perhaps still sobering up from the cruise!

Something in the water

How I wish it was *that* easy. I never imagined how much baby thoughts would get into my head as soon as I was married. I want two right now. Or yesterday, yesterday would be better. It's too early to say if we're going to have troubles conceiving or if it'll happen within a few months. What I can say is that I am already fussy about it and we have only been married for two months. It was so easy to get pregnant when I was 19. Fooled around with my buddy once on the right day and a few weeks later the stick had two lines. I miscarried a few weeks later but since then have been encouraged by the fact that getting pregnant could be so easy. Now I am having thoughts like "what if that was my only chance" or worse "what if all I can ever sustain is a few weeks of life". Today feels like a PMS day but it isn't. TTC days have become more stressful than PMS and, lovin' aside, I pretty much dread them.

Just had to change my settings to adult-friendly.

No one warned me about the chafing, how much pressure I'd feel, and the monthly disappointment. If I have a daughter or two I will certainly prepare them by filling them in with as much general information as they can handle.

Also on my mind today is a situation with a friend. I don't typically have situations. My whole way of life is about avoiding unpleasantness, being kind and honest and staying the hell away from situations. I blame Facebook. Several months ago I removed a lot of friends from my Facebook account. One friend was very hurt by this. She still is. And, she let me know. Again. I didn't think I was the type who hurt people. I certainly didn't intend to. I intended to have less facebook friends and have more real life, face to face relationships. You know the kind, where you actually get together or call each other. Obviously I failed to effectively communicate my intentions. I'm not sure what will come of all this. I am available for a getting together kind of relationship. I am also okay with moving on. I am not so happy with feeling like I've done something wrong when I'm not so sure I have.

Nope.

The past several days were spend relaxing, skiing, shopping, and eating in Banff. During dinner one evening a man at our table commented that I am a trophy wife. I tried to be gracious as I quickly explained that I was a mascot wife and nothing like a trophy wife at all. It is possible that I may have only illustrated the fact that I am a crazy wife. Oh well.

Other highlights of the weekend away include
*a lovely bottle of Blasted Church http://blastedchurch.com/ wine. I've tried their Gewurztraminer and Hatfield's Fuse. Next I shall have to try Big Bang.
*Cross country skiing for hours and being treated to the sight of two bald eagles flying overhead while I stopped for water and a snack.
*successfully shopping for spring/summer wear

Last week's goals were quickly dropped when I started packing for Banff! I did pack stationery and a novel but did not touch them other than when I took them out of my suitcase and when I put them back in. The goals will carry over for this week.

Pi

Pi Day

I'm going to pretend that you didn't notice that I didn't blog my weekly review and goals yesterday.

Last week's goals were met. Hurray for aiming low.

This week's goals will return to being challenging not just token things I can check off a blog list!

1. Get out for at least an hour long walk every day
2. Read a novel that I haven't read before
3. Write a long overdue letter to a friend in England
4. Write a card to my former roomie and be specific about the ways she didn't suck
5. Deal with the circle of clutter I have created downstairs and reduce my collection of stuff to just one small storage container.

In honour of trying to conceive I have given up drinking. I am abstaining 100% when around friends and 100% during the two weeks between the attempt and finding out. I miss wine and beer and amaretto. My husband has been warned that I will likely cry every time conception doesn't occur and that what I will need is a hug, some kisses and a stiff drink.

This morning I received a response to an ad for childcare that I placed last week. It would be wonderful to be able to spend a portion of each week hanging out with an awesome little person who needs a great nanny while their mommy and daddy work. I replied to the inquiry and was forthcoming about the fact that we are trying to conceive. Although disclosing such information might exclude me from the running, I prefer to be up front and hope for the best. Fingers crossed.

In honour of Pi day I will be preparing my first ever pot pies for dinner tonight. The recipe I will be trying out is found here; http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Chicken-Ham-and-Fennel-Pot-Pies-2478
I'm especially looking forward to putting Pi symbols on the top of each pie. If the pies are photo worthy I will upload a picture tonight or tomorrow.

Early to Rise

My set waking up time has started to make its annual spring time change. For the past week I've been consistently waking up between 6:30 AM and 7:00 AM. An early to rise, early to bed was routine was simpler when I lived at the apartment but I'm now struggling with re-establishing a sensible bedtime to make my new wake up time. Until last week I was able to sleep well from midnight until 8 or 8:30 AM. Eight hours of sleep is perfect for me. Sleeping from midnight until 6:30 AM is not perfect at all. If I was less attached to bedtime cuddles I would go to bed earlier but I am not sure I would be content with routinely going to bed an hour before and waking up three hours before my husband does. Dark or thick curtains in our bedroom might help with the early waking but I am not sure I want to mess with my natural early rising tendencies. Naps might be the only answer.

Party Time

I woke up this morning with poofy eyes and a pounding head due to crying right before falling asleep. There wasn't anything specific bothering me and I suspect it was a blow off steam kind of cry. Regardless, I have sore eyes.

This evening I will be hosting a princess party. The gathering is smaller than I anticipated but I cannot say that I mind. I've been intending and looking forward to spending some one-on-one time with the sole guest for quite some time now. Once today's morning coffee kicks in I will create a menu, house rules list, and party schedule for tonight. I won't force us to follow the schedule but it might be a handy resource should we find ourselves in an uncomfortable staring silence.

This next part might be exceedingly dull but it is best to get it out of my head. If one more person asks if I am pregnant I might burst into tears. While I understand that everyone is excited I am surprised by the people adults who ask again and again. I have been practicing responses but think I will work on smiling and shrugging OR telling people to fuck off. I suspect the response will depend on the day and the inquirer.

Reflection and goal time

Before I start I should top up my coffee mug. Be right back.

I might as well start by looking over the goals and commenting on each one. Likely boasting about the ones I accomplished and justifying the ones that we not achieved.

• one chapter per day of Home Comforts (Mendelson, 1999)  I read a total of three chapters and learned all about synthetic fabrics, food storage, and folding linens. I am looking forward to the day when all the lessons about folding fitting sheets evolve into being a skilled fitted sheet folder but for know it remains potential. 
• walk at least on hour per week day.  Nope. A few 10-15 minute walks but it was cold, slippery and windy here and I had no desire to bundle up just for the sake of reaching this goal.
• use the telephone and chat with a friend. Rather awkwardly arranged this via facebook messages. Perhaps next week I shall try having spontaneously calling a friend as a goal.
• write and mail three or four letters. I wrote one letter.  Another unreached goal.
• work on my taxes. This one, as you've already read, is done.

So what happened to my big plans for self-improvement and growth? In typical me style I suspect I avoided the pressure of expectations by over-performing in other areas. It is likely not a coincidence that in the last seven days I baked a pie and two loaves of bread. Or that I sorted through every storage container that I have tucked away in the basement. Or that I vacuumed/dusted every surface of this house. I'd be disheartened about my failures last week if I didn't have strong list of unrelated successes.

Onto goals for myself for the next week.

1. Write and mail two letters.
2. Part with clothing that no longer fits my size or lifestyle.
3. Read three more chapters of Home Comforts (Mendelson, 1999)

While the coffee kicks in

Taxes are done.

2010 was a light work year for me with only 5 months of full time employment. One of those months was my final month with a beloved long term nanny child. The other four months were spent trying to find a way to fit in a position that was an ill fit (understating). The children were lovely. It was a job I took for all the wrong reasons and against my own best judgement. My reason for dragging you through this history so that you can share my joy in the fact that I received a full tax refund. It is money I will be getting back from the government, not my former employers, yet it feels like final closure from a nanny job I never should have pursued.

Getting out for an hour long walk is unlikely today. The current temperature is -23c with an apparent windchill of -35c. I could bundle up and manage a fifteen to twenty minute walk.

What will happen today is some serious list making. A former charge and I used to follow this cleaning routine http://www.todaysparent.com/lifeasparent/article.jsp?content=20080215_135819_1760&page=1 . One plan for today is to write out a weekly guide that will work for me in this home. This home has been mine for almost a year now but for the first few months of living here I felt like tourist learning the culture of a new land. This place now feels completely like our home now and I'm finally ready to take some initiative around here. 

My empty coffee cup signals that it is time for me to get off my mascot butt and get busy.

Goals. Set 1

In an attempt to become well rounded in ways other than my physical shape I shall formally set out and attempt to meet five goals per week. Five per week might be a lofty aim but I am comfortable with aiming high and then adjusting as needed.

This week's Five

1. read one chapter per day of Home Comforts (Mendelson, 1999)
2. walk at least one hour per weekday
3. use the telephone and chat with a friend (calling my husband doesn't count)
4. write and mail three or four letters
5. work on my taxes

Today will be spent organizing the office and dealing with papers that piled up during the wedding planning months. Once my coffee kicks in I expect I'll be willing to bundle up and get out for a walk but at this point outside doesn't seem very inviting. Snow is blowing. My pajamas are comfy.

Hopefully, once I get the hang of writing, this blog will develop into something semi-interesting for readers. I make no promises though.


Mendelson, Cheryl. Home Comforts.  New York: Scribner, 1999

Starting out

I've been a wife for a month and four days now. So far it is exactly as I expected and this is most certainly a good thing.  My husband isn't much into social networking so the challenge will be for me to blog without giving away anything about our family or implicating him in any way.

This is my first go at being a wife and I am passionate about remaining, being and becoming the best wife I can be to my dearest friend, my husband.

For the time being life has afforded me the pleasure of being a homemaker. My waistline, and the fact that my comfy pants are no longer all that comfortable, is letting me know that I need to be doing more with my days.

The first official "something more" I will do is keep a blog. It might be a daily blog or it might be a weekly one but it will certainly be a blog that spans from now until our first wedding anniversary. I will earmark Sundays as the day for creating and sharing weekly goals. Saturdays will be for reflecting on how the previous week turned out.