Something in the water

How I wish it was *that* easy. I never imagined how much baby thoughts would get into my head as soon as I was married. I want two right now. Or yesterday, yesterday would be better. It's too early to say if we're going to have troubles conceiving or if it'll happen within a few months. What I can say is that I am already fussy about it and we have only been married for two months. It was so easy to get pregnant when I was 19. Fooled around with my buddy once on the right day and a few weeks later the stick had two lines. I miscarried a few weeks later but since then have been encouraged by the fact that getting pregnant could be so easy. Now I am having thoughts like "what if that was my only chance" or worse "what if all I can ever sustain is a few weeks of life". Today feels like a PMS day but it isn't. TTC days have become more stressful than PMS and, lovin' aside, I pretty much dread them.

Just had to change my settings to adult-friendly.

No one warned me about the chafing, how much pressure I'd feel, and the monthly disappointment. If I have a daughter or two I will certainly prepare them by filling them in with as much general information as they can handle.

Also on my mind today is a situation with a friend. I don't typically have situations. My whole way of life is about avoiding unpleasantness, being kind and honest and staying the hell away from situations. I blame Facebook. Several months ago I removed a lot of friends from my Facebook account. One friend was very hurt by this. She still is. And, she let me know. Again. I didn't think I was the type who hurt people. I certainly didn't intend to. I intended to have less facebook friends and have more real life, face to face relationships. You know the kind, where you actually get together or call each other. Obviously I failed to effectively communicate my intentions. I'm not sure what will come of all this. I am available for a getting together kind of relationship. I am also okay with moving on. I am not so happy with feeling like I've done something wrong when I'm not so sure I have.